The Best of Times / The Worst of Times

Holidays bring out the whole spectrum of happy to sad in people. I almost think it would be helpful to know where others stand. What if we had lapel pins, numbered one thru ten. In a perfect world, we would have them; "1” would mean you wanted to skip the holiday all together, as you were not feeling it. “10” would mean you were joyful and exuberant. 

Waiting for the bus, or riding up in an elevator, wouldn’t it be comforting to see another “2”? 

“Are you getting through it?” you could ask, nodding toward their pin. 

“Just barely,” might be the answer. 

“I am glad to see another ‘2,’ ” they might quickly add as the bus pulled up, for they did not want this tiny flicker of companionship to end.

With just the comfortable ease of common numbers you might sit together. 

You might get off of the elevator at the same floor.  

 

Meanwhile the “10’s” would meet and exchange new cookie recipes, share idea’s for perfect pinterest posts, and part with energy levels raised to new heights by contact with each other.  We envy the “10’s” sometimes, on bad days we despise them, and yet we love them.

 

 

The world is not perfect and we do not have lapel numbers, and so we are walking around all year, a jumble from one to ten. How do we care for one another? How do we comfort one another when we are feeling so different? 

 

Perhaps the key word is “acknowledge.”

 

We can serve others by acknowledging their emotions, from the "10's" who seem so very happy to the "1's" that need a quiet, dark spot.
 A few weeks ago I was shopping in a Homegoods store. Nearby there was a quiet woman who was blandly looking at clothes on a rack. She paused her looking to answer her ringing cellphone. Suddenly her face lit up. She was a different person. “That is such wonderful news! I can feel how thrilled you are from here! Oh I am so glad!” Her happy welcoming of the callers good news had changed her completely. When something good happens it is such a gift to have someone gush about it with you. Hearing her made me happier, and I bet the caller knew they was calling someone who would enjoy happy news. Try being a “gusher” next time you hear something good.

 

 

What do we say when someone is going through tough times, or when someone has died?

 

I treasure the following little story, which is the purest acknowledgment of a sad event that I have ever come across. 

 

A lovely friend of mine is raising a sensitive, caring little boy. Sensitivity is something that his mother teaches every day by her example. Children learn so much from just watching. He is learning how to “be” from his lovely mother. I will call her “Lovely.”

 

A second mother arranged a play date for her little boy with Lovely’s child. 

The second little boy had just had a death in his family. The second, sad mother had wanted him to have some play relief with a friend. She was not looking for a rough and tumble friend though, but rather a friend that might be sensitive to his needs at a sad time. Second mother called Lovely and they made a plan.

 

As she drove him to the play date, Lovely only told her own son that his friend might be sad. 

She did not explain why. 

The play date occurred. When Lovely picked her son up, the sad mother expressed her thanks as it went so well and had been so good for her son. As they were driving home in the car, Lovely asked her own son how it went. 

 

"He told me his stepfather died," sensitive son answered.

"What did you say?" Lovely asked.

"I just fell to the ground."

 

He stayed on the ground, and sad friend stood. When he was ready he got up and life went on. They just played. 

 

What a gift, to show such pure empathy, to allow his body to demonstrate what his spirit felt. There were no words, there was just a holding of grief space for a time that felt right. How good it must have felt to have a little time with a sensitive friend.

 

Our "numbers" shift by day and season, for many different reasons. We have all worn all the numbers. May we all be sensitive friends to each other, in the best of times and the worst of times.